Pre-London Jitters: Excited - Terrified - Excited

I have marked all the calendars with a very relevant washi tape that was given to me by a friend some while ago. Finally there is some proper good use for it :)

Here are some of the things that I've already got ready:

• an umbrella so cute that it's borderline childish CHECK
• extra batteries and charger for my camera  CHECK Thanks, family! :)
• a cutesy travel-themed notebook to jot down impressions, stories, anything and everything... CHECK That means I will have a solid source for upcoming London-y blog posts :)
• an unnecessarily lovely and detailed street map of London CHECK Thanks, mom! :) Yes, I am old school and I believe in real maps. Nothing can go wrong if you have a map. My phone is just a regular stupid one, but even if I had a smartphone, I think I would prefer a real map in my hands.
• an ever-growing list of places I need to see and take a picture of, because they appeared in a film/television series that I like CHECK

I am now getting to a point of endless consideration of what handbag/clothes/shoes I should bring. It's an adventure :D 

On a more serious note: I feel like I'm on a roller coaster. First I was so excited about the whole trip, that it got a bit unhealthy in my opinion. The most imminent danger of my increasing level of excitement was the lack of sleep that it caused. My sleep has been very distraught lately, with nights full of dramatic, intense, uneasy dreams (that have nothing to do with London, luckily)... I suspect that thinking/planning/daydreaming so much just before I fall asleep is not a good contributing factor to my quality of sleep.

Then there is another and for me possibly more worrying issue related to my over-excitement: I should just stop thinking and dreaming about how super fun and amazing and miraculous it's all gonna be. It is very unwise to do so. I'm afraid I might be getting my hopes up too much. If then by chance I end up being frustrated or nervous, or simply overwhelmed by the city, it could bring the whole trip down for me, just because reality would not match my dreams. So, I should just stop imagining things and building my expectations. It's always better to expect less, to expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised, than the other way round.

After all, miracles and magic don't happen when you plan for them.

Magic happens when you don't see it coming.

So I managed to pull it all back a little, gave myself a reality check. And then I went overboard with that and got all worried and worked up by all the "What if's". What if Elizabeth and I don't click the right way in real life? What if I get too anxious and panicky on public transport? What if anything... ? Then I figuratively slapped my face and told myself to stop conjuring up problems way ahead.

The thing is, there is no precedent for how this type of an adventure might go, how it will make me feel. Quite possibly everything will be all right and it will be a fun trip. But I need to take into account the alternative as well, so that I don't hate myself if I end up having a meltdown on the tube.

Then I remembered that day, that one special occasion when I was London before... on a school trip (not with my school and my class, btw :D ) When we had some free time to go explore ourselves, I went for a walk by myself, because everybody else wanted to see other places than me... I went for a walk, without a map, and I strolled through St James' Park and saw Buckingham Palace and then I even found my way back to our meeting point... No major nerves going on. It was just nice being there :)

If I could do that when I was 17, who is to say I shouldn't be able to do it now? With a map :)

So I'm back to excited now, but trying to keep it a reasonable level of excited. Which goes well because I have some temp jobs to occupy my body and mind.  ("Occupy" is the least I can say. A special dedicated blog post may or may not be coming.) 

You can follow me on Twitter to be up-to-date with me getting ready and counting the days down. If you want to, obviously.

I hope you're all doing great wherever you are in the world :) xx